welcome back.

You're coming back.
I know you are, cause I'm not gonna let you drift any further.
I ran away from you, as fast as i could.
I don't know why I did it.
Cause I need you
, more than a singer needs a voice
, more than a heart needs a beat.
It's you and me, together.
It's you and me, forever.

If I were a month, I’d be July.
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Friday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be 4 am.
If I were a planet, I’d be Pluto.
If I were a sea animal, I'd be a sea turtle
If I were a direction, I’d be West.
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a fainting chair.
If I were a historical figure, I’d be -
If I were a liquid, I’d be an acid .
If I were a gemstone, I’d be Onyx.
If I were a tree, I’d be an Aspen tree.
If I were a tool, I’d be a drill.
If I were a flower, I’d be an Anemone.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be a thunderstorm.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a piano.
If I were a color, I’d be purple
If I were an emotion, I’d be apprehension.
If I were a fruit, I’d be a fig.
If I were a sound, I’d be a laugh.
If I were an element, I’d be Fire.
If I were a car, I’d be a pink Cadillac.
If I were a food, I’d be a lollipop.
If I were a place, I’d be Denver.
If I were a material, I’d be soft.
If I were a taste, I’d be spicy.
If I were a scent, I’d be cotton candy.
If I were an object, I’d be a stapler.
If I were a body part, I’d be an eye.
If I were a facial expression, I’d be a puppy dog face .
If I were a song, I’d be Dear Blank .
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be flipflops.

It is what it is , what's done is done .

What is there left to say?
I've got nothing left . 
So it's your turn, take the wheel and make a sharp left.
You've got to make things right, we're in the tunnel but where's the light ?
It's not up to me anymore, make your decision
cause I'm done .

i wish you never had to leave

bare feet, sand between my toes, colored toe nail polish, flip flops, short shorts, long hair, dark tans, freckles, beach towels, water fights, late nights, technicolored drinks, fast cars, older boys, sleeping in, parks at midnight, getting kicked out, never kept in, smoking up, burning out, this is what summer is all about .
It's amazing how big of a difference something as simple as the weather can make .
Summer .  

innocence .

The innocence that once lived within her soul

has been bruised, broken, torn and shred.

It has been exposed,

to things it never intended to see,

for something it never intended to be .

"And sometimes I stop and stare,
Though I know it's much better
If I just don't care.
Sometimes you stare back so long,
Why don't you just move,
Not keep me holding on?

Your kindness is awfully cruel,
When it just keeps me in love with you like a fool.
And seeing you every day
Just serves to keep me here, pining away.
Your emotions seem to be
At odds with all of the things you told me. And when you smile my way
I almost expect you to say... "

"Do I deserve this?" I ask myself nervously, looking deep into your eyes.



As my steps lead the way
Your color turns to shade.
You're just a memory.

" I don’t understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you’d do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said you couldn’t live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it hurts just the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you from their lives just because it’s easier than working things out."

i'm an angry person, sowhat ?

I hope you choke on those words,

I don't think it's even possible

to swallow that much bullshit .

karma .

I'm sorry.
I can't say it enough times.
you have no idea how horrible i feel.
so i'll say it again ;
i'm sorry.
I thought what i was doing was the right thing,
I was only being strong.
or so i thought.
this is probably a shock to you;
but i did, 
i loved you.
i realize that now.
i acted like a bitch.
and the only reason i did was cause i was trying to protect myself.
i didn't want to admit it.
i wish i could've realized it earlier.
cause these days,
when i need something comfortable to hold onto more than ever.
i'll think back to you.
and sometimes i wish that something was you
but i know , if i try to reach out to you.
you're not gonna be their anymore
cause you were there, or so it seemed.
and i acted like i didn't want you there.
so you took that as your cue to go.
i lied to you,
and for that i apolagize.
I tryed to tell you how you felt,
and for that i apolagize.
i was a waste of your time, 
and for that i apolagize.
I'll have you know, there's no need to go searching for revenge.
cause karma's worked it's way into my life.
in more ways than one.
i deserved everything i got
and continue to get.
i've always told myself not to live with regrets.
but i regret not realizing how i felt,
and i regret talking to you again .
not because i don't like talking to you.
but because you're the only person who treats me
as nice as you do.
and i don't deserve that.
not from you.

simply complicated .

"love is complicated ."
bullshit.
love is the most  s i m p l e  thing on our planet.
if it's seems complicated, it's not love.
maybe the relationship is complicated.
but the love
should never be.
ever.
if you question it in the least bit.
then it's not love.


love is not being afraid to show the world,
love is being able to act like a complete dork and knowing you won't be judged.
love is watching a movie that you hate just to make someone else happy.
love is not caring how much money you've spent but how much time.
love is not being embarrassed because you know nobody else understands how you're feeling.
love is putting someone else first.
love is smiling at the thought of someone.
love is wanting to just sleep beside someone.
love is wanting to always be with someone.
love is never wanting to let go of someone.
love is smelling the scent of someone and having butterflies rush to your stomach, memories to your head.
love is unexplainable,
until you experience it for youself.
you can't read about love to understand it,
you can't learn what love is.
because everytime you love is different.
love is never the same.

like a ghost from my past,
just when i thought i'd never see you again,
you come back to haunt me.
you remind me of all the good times,
things were so simple.
we were so young,
so innocent
and so naive .
I never forgot you .
and it's nice to know neither did you.
I'm not glad because we didn't end on a bad note.
I'm glad because there never were any bad notes.

i wish i could write you a letter.
i just want to tell you the truth
and receive It in return ,
But i'M afraid.
i don't want to jeopardize anYthing .

Eremophobia .

I can't help the fact , i'm scared of being lonely .
It's not that i'm unhappy with where i am or what i have.
Just that i'm so happy.

and i know , that things aren't going to stay this way forever .
i know that someday soon, i'll be lonely again .
I can't prevent that from happening .
but i can try .
so i do ,
you're all here.
so that, when the day comes that i find myself lonely again
i'll have something to fall back on .


but don't think that once i find happiness again and i'm no longer lonely
i'm going to just throw you away .
Because i do this all the time,
everytime.
I need you ,
to save me, when i'm drowning.

go ahead ,

The truth hurts and that's the truth .

if you're trying to play it safe, then don't go asking for the truth .

,don't go around being honest .
you're just asking to get hurt .
But really ,
who plays it safe anymore ?

replacement girl .

i bet she's nicer and funnier .

i bet she's everything i'm not

and like i've admitted before,

i'm not the greatest of things.

i bet you care about her more.

i bet you guys have more fun than we had .

i bet you don't even miss me.

i bet you're having the time of your life

and couldn't be happier without me near.

don't worry i get it .

you've got everything you'd ever want ,

right beside you .

so i'll take the high road .

i'm gone .

i know .

i know ,
i know i'm not wise .
i know i'm selfish.
i know i'm dishonest.
i know i'm unfaithful .
i know i'm not trustworthy.
i know i'm useless.

i know you're right,
and i know i'm wrong.
i know you're smart
and i know i'm dumb.
i know you're nice
and i know i'm mean.
i know i'm weak
and i you're strong.

i know you're gone .
i'm still here .
the end.

"don't speak, i know just what you're saying. so please stop explaining. don't tell me, cause it hurts ."

you know me better than i know myself .

shallow, insecure, unique, loud, smiley, cute, creative, daring, mean, nice, hot, beautiful, sexy, slutty, ugly, pretty, amazing, magical, embarrassing, annoying, obnoxious, impatient, crazy, weird, original, talented, the best, the worst ever, vulnerable, chaotic, lonely, worrisome, perfect, whore, incomparable, friendly, caring, loving, lovable, cocky, confident, disrespectful, needy, lazy, stupid, dumb, blond, lucky, happy, sad, gross, funny, sweet, whimsical, musical, confusing, smart, good, bad, useless, jealous, awkward, nervous, impulsive, spontaneous, courageous, contagious, indecisive, complicated, popular, kind, colourful, fat, skinny, cool, unusual.

i was thinking; if you know a way out then i'd like to know too.

you're so close, yet so far away.

i doubt you can even remember what you said yesterday.

we were meant to suceed,

not to pop pills and smoke weed.

but look what happend.

we're all trapped and

we can't get out .

there's noone left here that's real.

noone that can help us heal.

you were smiling .

i listen to kelly clarkson and colbie caillat
as i reminisce and memory's slowly replay.
i'm sorry.
how can someone care so much one second ,
then turn around and seem to care about everything and anything else so much more?
why do i care ?
i shouldn't .
but i do ,
i don't know why.
this is stupid ,
how i'm feeling is dumb .

but i think about this all the time ,
i think about you all the time .

"but yesterday won't let go ."

my notebook ,

take a look at my notebook ,

connect the dots.

soon you'll find,

you're all of my thoughts .

cause in person ,

my tummy does flips and ties itself in knots.

but on paper ,

i can say what i need to say

and there's lots .

same song & dance .

i keep staring at you
begging for your approval ,
begging for your love .
it's not your fault you're not willing to give it to me ,
it's mine.
all mine .
it's not that you're selfish
or that you're ignorant .
it's that i'm too generous ,
too attentive ,

too forgiving .

'

"so what did you think i would say ? 'no, you can't run away ?'"

" it's like i was fighting so hard, just to lose you . "

" because really, if you can't love the person i am now, you can't of loved the person i once was . "

" Just because she doesn't speak his name, or let it roll off her lips, doesn't mean it's not tattooed across her heart.

Just because she doesn't mention him anymore, doesn't mean he's not the only thought that's crossed her mind all day, every day.

and just because there's that other boy, doesn't mean he'd ever be replaced. "

temptation .

you put your hands on my waist and pulled me in,
nice and close.
i could smell what had once been the familiar scent of your cologne
but what had once seemed like such a sweet scent no longer gave me the butterflies it used to.
i took a deep breath, breathing it in.
the feeling of nausea came over me.
i looked into your eyes.
there it was, temptation, right in front of me,
me, of all people .
you looked me back in the eyes - "i missed you." you said, pulling me in once again
but this time really close,
too close.
your lips hovered a mere millimeter from mine.
you kissed me.
there was nothing i could do.
it had been done.
i unstiffened, falling into your arms with the realization that i was defenceless against you and your charm.
you leaned back to look my in the eye once again - "so much."
you paused, "too much."
my stomach dropped as you leaned in for another kiss and i turned my head,
your lips landing upon my cheek.
"i can't." i said.
"but you want to, don't you ? Nobody will --" i cut you off,
"no." you looked into my eyes with that disappointed look you give,
it didn't fase me.
i was used to that look coming from you .
"Do me a favour ?" i asked, my eyes filling with tears.
"anything." you said, your voice cracking, slightly.
"get over me." you looked away from me,
"you can't make me."
now, you might deny it but i could hear the tears in your voice .
"please." i begged.
you looked at me, jaw clenched and eyes bloodshot.
i took that as my cue.
i picked up my bag, stood up from your bed and just as i was about to walk out your door i turned, for one last look.
probably one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made ...

imy .

Dear you ,

you are greatly missed.
don't think otherwise
and please, don't ever forget that .
don't forget me .
i know, it might sound difficult,
but please .
that's all i ask .

P.S; i'll come back for you

ipromise . <3

perfect .

She covers her face,
layers upon layers
of artificial beauty
she wishes would never come off.
She straightens her hair
because beauty is always
only one more trend away.

diet pills are like fairy tales
to this teenage girl,
they tell her everything she should one day be
and as she takes them in
she dreams about the girl she'll never be.

anorexia and bulimia are minor details
of her life from day to day.
It's not a battle if you give in
and forgiveness is granted
if you remember to pray.

eyes out of focus, light headedness and migraines.
the side affects don't seem to bother her much.
when asked, she's okay.
eating can wait for another day.
saving her calories
so she can afford to forget
Friday night.

sometimes she forgets to smile.
getting high is just another escape,
reminding her what it's like not to care.
She can do anything.
fly, feeling the wind through her hair.

She doesn't deserve what affection she's given
but she takes what she can get.
she doesn't care if she's got his undivided attention,
only that he's in the least bit hers.
getting attached is easy for her
so she does as best she can to avoid it.

She puts a razor to her wrist.
The contrast between the cold metal sinking into her flesh
and the warm blood dripping down her forearm
make her feel secure
and tell her that there's balance in everything.
even the bad.

she's reckless,
she gets into fights with complete strangers
just so she'll have someone to take her anger out on.
she hasn't cried in months
and everyday she fights to hold her tears back
is another day she wishes she didn't have to.

She's a perfectionist
but nothing's perfect
so she's gotta fight to make it as close as possible.
She's a control freak
but she can't control the world around her.
All she can control is herself.
All she can control are the things that control her most.

i know better.

if I didn't know any better,
I'd say you've changed.
if I didn't know any better,
I'd say you're trustworthy.
if I didn't know any better,
I'd say you were still in love with me.
if I didn't know any better,
I'd say you miss me.
if I didn't know any better,
I'd say i miss you back.
if I didn't know any better,
I'd give you another chance.

but i know better.
much better.
much better than you.

What can i compare my situation to ?
well, lets see .

It's like when you're not quite old enough to admit
that you know the truth about Santa .
Both you and your parents know what's really going on
but noone wants to admit it .
Everyone's trying to keep what's left of your innocence
in the air for as long as possible .
It's like walking down and seeing your dad eating the cookies
you left out for Santa Claus .
you knew that he'd be the one eating them but
you didn't want to believe it .
so you run in the opposite directions, until
you reach your bed and hide under the covers,
pretending to have never seen a thing .

nightwalker .

I'm what you'd call a night walker.
Every night at 12 am ,
when everyone in my house is sound asleep,
I tuck my stuffed animals under my sheets,
turn off my lights
and climb out my window .
I walk barefooted to the river down the street from my house .
I sit on a large rock under a dim light and after a few minutes a small family of bunnies come out
I feed them whatever I can get my hands on and pet them.
I tell whatever will listen my problems because in my opinion,
everything has a soul .
even if it's just a bunny, the trees, or the waves .
they all react.
maybe you don't notice it, but i do .
the trees, they whisper in response .
the waves, they always wave back .

some people might think it's weird .
but the night , it clears my mind.
even if the day's been a complete disaster .

it's like the riverside is my Oprah and I'm a washed up celebrity past the point of rehabilitation .
Magically, it fixes everything .

sincerity .

Who the fuck do you think you are ?
Do you have any idea what you've done to me?
You know, before you came along I was fine .
I had it all together, 0 problems.
Now, look at me.
You've turned me into a complete mess, with a constant need for affection and trust issues to the max .
You fucked up my life .
happy ?
I sure hope you are .

and just when I was done pushing you out of my life
and was starting to believe that I truly hated your guts
this is what you do ?

how could someone do something so shitty to someone one second
and then turn around and act like the nicest person in the world ,
like nothing's wrong .

thanks alot, asshole .

PS. where the fuck is my apology ?

I'm scared .

Iloveyou .

I've never felt like this before

but I'm afriad that it's easier for you than me,

that if I do the smallest thing wrong you could just stand up and walk away.

without being fazed in the least bit.

Me on the other hand,

that's a whole different story .

Sometimes, I wish I could be perfect .
Not for myself but for everyone else.
To make things easier for them.
My mom, my bestfriend and my boyfriend.
They'd all have someone they knew they could count on, no matter what .
I'd be their favourite person and they'd always want to be with me.
At times I'd be like a superhero, saving and protecting them from anything harmful.
They'd have no complaints.
Unfortunately, that's not how things are.
I'm no superhero, I'll tell you that much.

"To be honest, I love you so much . If you're planning on hurting me, do it now, please ."

i'm not drunk enough .

Talking about things like this get me thinking .
Why am I still sitting here on my lazy ass.
Why don't I have the courage to stand up and tell everyone what I'm really thinking .
Why am I not good enough .
Why am I such a bad person sometimes .
Why do I set such high expectations .
Why do things always have to be perfect for me, always.
What is perfect , anyways .
Where am I going.
What am I doing .
Do you really .

where'd my armor go ?
I lost my protection .
I'm not as strong as I thought.

just gotta keep going, i guess .
there's nothing that can be done .
noone can help me but me.
so, why bother ?
I can't go back and I never will .
I guess I'll just deal with it.

as they say, you live and you learn , right ?

what hurts the most.

Quit putting the blame on me.
I didn't ask for this.
This has nothing to do with me, I'm tired of your complaining.
I love you.
But really ?
You're putting all the stress on me.
What am I supposed to do about it ?
There's nothing I can do.
trust me, if there was something, I'd do it.

iloveyou.

I keep having these dreams, they seem so real.
I'd do anything to make sure they weren't real.
Is it bad that this time I'm praying my dreams don't come true.

Oh, how badly I wish they'd come down already.

"I don't want you to leave my side."





welcome to my world, babe.
I miss you more.

what can you say?

That wasn't enough.

You couldn't just wave it in front of my face.

You just had to slap me across the face with it and rub it in, didn't you?

You just had to.

It's only human.

I'm only human.

Apperently you're not.

you're better than that.

I've come to realize, it's true.

They say the people who have the most, so to speak, are the lonliest.

They lead the lonliest lives.

Fake friends and lots of money are nothing.

It's unfourunate.

People don't see it.

The players and the popular girls.

Are as lonley as can be.

it's only human.

don't be jelous.

You are amazing.
I hope you know that.
I'm not gonna lie, we've had major disagreements and there's been times when you've made me as jelous as can be.
But over the years, you've taught me alot.
I'd say I hate the fact that we go days, sometimes weeks without seeing each other.
But the truth is I don't mind.
Because I've got sooo many memories to look back at and I know, the next time we do see each other we'll make so many more.
I know, no matter how mad you are at me, I can come to you when somethings really wrong and everything will be okay again.
What's great about you, is thinking back to most of our fights, I was the one who was wrong and in most cases you were only mad because you were looking out for me and trying to make me happier.
I hope you know, I'm always here for you.
No matter what time of day,
what I'm doing,
who I'm with,
or where I am.
If something's ever wrong or amazingly greeeat, I want to know.
I want to be the first one you call.

because
iloveyou!

ps, don't ever change.

metaphors can't save me.

There you were, once again.
It was late, as usual.
And you just had to show up.
I peered up from what i was doing and there you were, staring me down.
Intimidating as hell.
You crept towards me, your eyes stared deeply into mine, as though you were reading my every though.
You pushed me back into the corner of the dark room.
What had once seem like such a cluttered room now seemed way too empty and spacious.
You continued to stare me down, scaring me to death.
You spit in my face
and told me everything I already knew.
"You're worthless."
"You'll never be good enough."
"Don't get your hopes up."
You hovered inches from my face and told me you wouldn't be leaving until you got everything you wanted from me.
So, you took what you wanted and with one more dirty look you left.
And there I was, once again.
In a cluttered room.

Stop trying to save me, I don't need your help.
I can do this on my own.

Ornithophobia

Ornithophobia: The fear of birds.
I've been afraid of birds for the longest time.
I've always said that I didn't know why.
I'm jelouse.
I so badly want to fly.
but at the exact same time I'm so badly afraid to.

It doesn't matter.

It was way past midnight, you had to be leaving soon.
Laying on the cold ground with a blanket and some pillows,
the credits had began rolling and the backyard looked like something out of a fairytale.
Christmas lights lining the fences and stars sprinkled evenly across the night sky.
the slight sounds of the projector whirring and my best friends gossiping in the tent behind us comforted me and made me realize
there was nowhere else in the world I'd rather be.
Lying nose to nose with nothing to say has never been so unakward and simple
and a simple hug has never meant so much to me.
It doesn't matter, iloveyou.

I hate you. (:
well, not really.
I just say that when you make me sad.

iloveyou.
I'll miss you.
miss me back ? (: