i'm sorry for the nights i can't remember.

It nights like these, where i crawl out of my second story window and roll across my lawn then sprint down my street till I'm far away from where my parents can see me, where i meet all my friends and a bunch of fresh faced strangers at a park. 

everyone's taking shots, flying high, smiling, and laughing. 

There's the odd bit of drama to keep things exciting but over all everyone's trying to live their lives as happy as possible. Stranger's welcome you with open arms, some with open lips, open minds, open hearts, or even open legs.

we're all hiding something, covering it up with glazed eyes. but noone's here to judge because, we're all the same.

then, at the end of the night, or the beginning of the morning i'll sneak back into my window, hope noone came to check on me and fall asleep all alone.

It's nights like those that make me feel free, like anythings possible. 

like the past can't ever affect me anymore, won't ever affect me anymore.

then i wake up, in the late afternoon, only to find i've gone and made a million more mistakes, to find that the past is still catching up with me.

It's nights like those that discust me.

but at the same time, i'll replay them again and again.

because, for that moment. 

those few hours where the rest of the world couldn't touch me, i felt invincible.

the consequences don't add up to half as much as that feeling.

they tell you to live in the moment, before it's too late.

they tell you to plan for the future, before it's too late.

they tell you not to forget you past, before it's too late.
                                                                           is anyone else confused?

i want someone to need me, that so bad?

you build me up.
i breath sweet oxygen into my lungs, a little too fast, a little too much.
the heat of the room grows and small beads of sweat collect in the center of my palms.
my heart beats fast, a little too fast for my liking.
it frightens the butterflies that occupy my stomach, causing them to fly around viciously.
the greatest high i've ever felt.
the most addictive scent i've ever smelt.
all so fast it raises me up,  i'm in heaven.
paradise, if you will.
but then at the same time, it can all go away.
just as fast.
and you're left, with the reality,
that there's nothing left that's better than what you had.

can you save me from myself?

you said you'd always be here to help me.

always be on my side.

but who's side are you going to be on when it's me against myself?

dear assholes,

This is for all the assholes that have been telling a girl words that are to die for. You tell her, " You’d change for her. " And you go behind her back, and fucking go against your word. You tell her, " Your the only one I talk to baby " But in fucking reality, your texting a million other skanks, and telling them the same damn thing. You bring her out one day, hold her hand, give her a peck on the lips, hold her bag, and hold her by the waist. You show your friends your with her, but you stop texting / calling her after that day. You call her " my chick " Which just makes her feel so damn good, when you got 2 or 3 other chicks on the side too. This is for all the assholes, who’ve lied to women’s face, who’ve stopped talking to a women after a day, who’ve just cancelled a women outta their lives. Seriously? grow the fuck up. We’ve been telling you asshole how much we hate getting hurt, and we fucking expect so much from you guys. We expect you guys to fucking change, but do you? Negative. It’s sad because it spoils all the other guys who’d want a chance with these girls. They’d have to work harder, because the girl’s afraid she’d get played again. Two words for guys like this: Fuck You.

everyone knows.
everyone knows the mess that's being made of me.
I got through the day, thinking about you.
sure, i flirt with others
but it's you that's alway on my mind.
i try to focus on school work , but you always find a way to creep back into my thoughts.
and when the day's done, i make plans.
i don't want to go home.
so i fill my schedule, with ways to keep you off my mind.
everyone knows, i'm falling apart without you.
they try to give me everything else they know makes me happy.
but at the end of the day i still need to go home.
i don't want to go home.
i don't want to get bored.
cause when i get bored, you once again creep into my head.
when i'm with them , i'm thinking about you.
when i'm with him , i'm thinking about you.
when i'm all alone , i'm thinking about you.
and at the end of the day, all the friends in the world and the busiest schedule in the world 
can't keep you out of my mind.
during the day, it's all sunshine and lollipops.
but when i go home and have time to myself, time to think, that front comes crashing down.
you're tearing me apart.
everyone can tell.
everyone but you.
everyone hates you.
everyone but me.
i love you. <3

you're beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.

it's like smoking crack and trying to go to sleep.
it's like diving into the depths of an ocean without an oxygen mask on.
it's like climbing the side of a building and stopping to take a look down.
i'm restless, i can't sleep, i can't eat, i can't breathe.
i'm drained but i'm drowning.
i'm exhausted.
&tired of trying to please you.
I know where we're headed, &i'm more afraid than ever before.

everday, all day.

i sit and bask in the flaws of it all.

sure, i'm like everyone else.

i sit back and wonder "how'd this happen to me?"

but then you walk up and it's like everything slips away.

i forget why i was so worried, so sad, so angry.

you make me happy.

is that so bad?

the words you once thought of as so wise, sure they came from me.

they drifted out of my thoughts, onto a piece of paper and sooner or later into your thoughts.

I hate to say it, I'm a hypocrite.

but i'm tired of denying the truth.

the truth is; i'm scared, which means i care, which means i've given something the power to destroy me, which means it has the power to make me cry. 

The problem is that while this thing, or person has the key to my destruction they've got the key to my happiness at the exact same time.

the person who makes me cry is the same person whose arms i want to fall into and bawl my eyes out in. 

they say nothing in life comes for free, if you want something you've got to make a sacrifice for it.

if i have to sacrifice my happiness for yours than that's fine.

do what ever you've got to do to make yourself happy.

just don't let me go.

please.

"Why can't i breathe whenever i think about you, why can't i speak whenever i talk about you? It's inevitable."

you&me.

we make a good team, great if you ask me.

our conversations are never one sided, always filled with plenty of laughs.

when everyone else is gone, i know you'll still be there.

whether I'm here for you or not.

this all might crash and burn one day.

but i really hope that's no day soon.

despite everything i've said about you in the past ; i l o v e you.

and i never want you to leave my side.

i want to drown in you, f o r e v e r.