I know what I am when you are here, my place becomes so clear.

I'd gotten used to the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.

When you're in pain for so long you just get used to it.

It's weird to say but now that the feeling's gone I kinda do miss it.

I guess you could say while it lasted I remained faithful but were you the same .. ?

I now understand the expression never say never, things change, people change, everything changes.

I guess really do miss the grasp you had on me, although it was tight and demanding, it was also warm and comforting.

It was nice to be so consumed in something.

When your reality becomes unreal you need to give yourself something real to hold onto, that's where you come in.

Or maybe you were just an escape from my reality, whatever you were, I miss you.

I miss the sense of accomplishment you gave me after a long day, the sense of control you gave me and how clear you seemed to make things.

You made me feel tired and dizzy and when I looked into your eyes I wanted to vomit.

yet, I miss you.

and I'm seriously regretting the fact that I lost hold of you.

wow, I really lost hold of you.

I can't pinpoint when but it's a shame, really.

I'm no longer satisfied and though I may sound crazy I need everything you were back.

I'm just having trouble putting myself back on track.

The truth is, I'm scared.

As of right now, I'm the only one who knows what I'm talking about.

I haven't even told my best friend about you.

And I know I should be able to trust her

and don't get me wrong I do trust her

and I REALLY want to tell her.

But I know how I'd react if she were to tell me the same thing.

and frankly, I don't want that reaction.

Cause I don't want to let you go.

Not yet.