What can i compare my situation to ?
well, lets see .

It's like when you're not quite old enough to admit
that you know the truth about Santa .
Both you and your parents know what's really going on
but noone wants to admit it .
Everyone's trying to keep what's left of your innocence
in the air for as long as possible .
It's like walking down and seeing your dad eating the cookies
you left out for Santa Claus .
you knew that he'd be the one eating them but
you didn't want to believe it .
so you run in the opposite directions, until
you reach your bed and hide under the covers,
pretending to have never seen a thing .

nightwalker .

I'm what you'd call a night walker.
Every night at 12 am ,
when everyone in my house is sound asleep,
I tuck my stuffed animals under my sheets,
turn off my lights
and climb out my window .
I walk barefooted to the river down the street from my house .
I sit on a large rock under a dim light and after a few minutes a small family of bunnies come out
I feed them whatever I can get my hands on and pet them.
I tell whatever will listen my problems because in my opinion,
everything has a soul .
even if it's just a bunny, the trees, or the waves .
they all react.
maybe you don't notice it, but i do .
the trees, they whisper in response .
the waves, they always wave back .

some people might think it's weird .
but the night , it clears my mind.
even if the day's been a complete disaster .

it's like the riverside is my Oprah and I'm a washed up celebrity past the point of rehabilitation .
Magically, it fixes everything .

sincerity .

Who the fuck do you think you are ?
Do you have any idea what you've done to me?
You know, before you came along I was fine .
I had it all together, 0 problems.
Now, look at me.
You've turned me into a complete mess, with a constant need for affection and trust issues to the max .
You fucked up my life .
happy ?
I sure hope you are .

and just when I was done pushing you out of my life
and was starting to believe that I truly hated your guts
this is what you do ?

how could someone do something so shitty to someone one second
and then turn around and act like the nicest person in the world ,
like nothing's wrong .

thanks alot, asshole .

PS. where the fuck is my apology ?

I'm scared .

Iloveyou .

I've never felt like this before

but I'm afriad that it's easier for you than me,

that if I do the smallest thing wrong you could just stand up and walk away.

without being fazed in the least bit.

Me on the other hand,

that's a whole different story .

Sometimes, I wish I could be perfect .
Not for myself but for everyone else.
To make things easier for them.
My mom, my bestfriend and my boyfriend.
They'd all have someone they knew they could count on, no matter what .
I'd be their favourite person and they'd always want to be with me.
At times I'd be like a superhero, saving and protecting them from anything harmful.
They'd have no complaints.
Unfortunately, that's not how things are.
I'm no superhero, I'll tell you that much.

"To be honest, I love you so much . If you're planning on hurting me, do it now, please ."

i'm not drunk enough .

Talking about things like this get me thinking .
Why am I still sitting here on my lazy ass.
Why don't I have the courage to stand up and tell everyone what I'm really thinking .
Why am I not good enough .
Why am I such a bad person sometimes .
Why do I set such high expectations .
Why do things always have to be perfect for me, always.
What is perfect , anyways .
Where am I going.
What am I doing .
Do you really .

where'd my armor go ?
I lost my protection .
I'm not as strong as I thought.

just gotta keep going, i guess .
there's nothing that can be done .
noone can help me but me.
so, why bother ?
I can't go back and I never will .
I guess I'll just deal with it.

as they say, you live and you learn , right ?

what hurts the most.

Quit putting the blame on me.
I didn't ask for this.
This has nothing to do with me, I'm tired of your complaining.
I love you.
But really ?
You're putting all the stress on me.
What am I supposed to do about it ?
There's nothing I can do.
trust me, if there was something, I'd do it.