It's like when i stare into the mirror, i don't see myself, can't find myself.
I stare into my reflections eyes, hoping to find some sort of substance behind my thick black pupils.
Who am i looking at? because, it's certainly not me.
who the fuck is that, staring back?
I'm staring at someone i barely even know;
a girl with a hard shell, angry at the world.
feeling empty, lost, transparent and easy to read.
she looks evil, demonic almost.
she scares me.
but she looks afraid, lonely, like someone i should help.
she's crying out for help, but who's going to help her?
She's so hard to deal with, reach out and she'll shove you back.
I don't see myself.
It's like all the bad stuff from within is plastered on the surface.
it's clear as day, written all over my face.
It's scary, thinking everyone can see through me.
feeling like everyone knows just who i really am, like they know everything.
When i stare into the mirror, i see her, i see you.
I can't see past everything i've become.
I can't see past everything you've made of me.

i want out more than i ever wanted in, more than i ever wanted you.

but as easy as it sounds, getting out is just something i can't do.

we're hanging on by a thread.

but, why hang on when you're holding onto something so dead?

hanging on so tight, like i might lose you.

hanging on so tight, like i haven't already lost you.

don't forget what they say, with actions come consequences, you gotta pay.

this is gonna cost you.

hanging on so tight, like my heart's still whole.

hanging on so tight, like i'm still in control.

it kills me, you know.
to think it was so easy for you to just drop this and walk away.
how's your ego these days anyways?
must be getting pretty big, knowing i take the time to text you,
knowing you somehow creep into my mind every now and again and i get the urge to talk to you,
knowing that i have something to say to you,
knowing that you're on my mind,
knowing that even though i know you're not going to respond i still try,
knowing that you've left me hanging more than enough times necessary.
i guess payback's a bitch, huh?
but you know what, thanks. 
Cause all i really ever wanted to be to you was a forgotten memory.
you know, 
i always promised myself i'd never be anything like you and when i turned into you, when we became the exact same person, i thought you'd be the one to save me.
guess i was wrong.

I hope you feel ridiculously dumb right now.
Not because i'm angry, and want revenge.
Because honestly, i don't care enough to be angry right now.
thanks to you.
See, for a while there I really, really cared.
alot.
I invested a whole lot of time when i really couldn't afford it.
Now that i realize how fake you can be, how believable you tend to make your lies.
I don't know if anything you ever said or say has or had any truth to it.
When that realization hit me I disconected myself from all of our memories.
weather the feelings behind them were fake or not.
Cause how am i supposed to know what's real and what's not?
Was anything you ever said real?
Or was i the exact same?
So, I hope, I pray that you feel ridiculously dumb right now.
Cause if you feel dumb, it means you feel stupid for lying.
guilty maybe?
and if you feel guilty it means you care about how i feel.
or felt.
I don't trust you.
who knows how long it'll take me to.
I can't care about someone who doesn't care in the least about me.