He fumbles around, avoiding eye contact,
"forgot it at the office again, it gets uncomfortable sometimes, you know that."
He only looks at my eyes, not into them, after he's finished speaking as a smile grows on his face.
like he's made an accomplishment.
like he thinks i actually believe his bullshit.
He leans in and kisses me on the cheek.
I smell her perfume and picture the ring sitting on her bedside table.
He says he's tired and goes to bed.
Our wedding is two weeks away.
I've made all the decisions.
he pays for all of my decisions.
I'd call the wedding off but i want him to know that i love him.
I don't want him to think he's wasted all his money, i want him to think i'm loyal.
The funny thing is, i don't even care if he sees her.
I'm strong enough to pretend the lip stick stains on his cheek are from me, i'm strong enough to pretend he's as dedicated to his job as he wants me to think.
I know if he loved her more than he loved me, he'd be with her.
He's not gaining anything from being with me.
and i know, as jealous as i am,
i'd never mention anything to him.
I couldn't.
I wouldn't want to upset him, cause then he might want to be with her.
all the time.
Not me.
i would never complain, because i'm lucky enough to even be with him some of the time.
Maybe, if i'm good, he'll get over her
and realize how lucky he is that i've stuck by his side all this time.
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