you're everywhere. 

I can't escape you.

not even in my dreams.

you can't let me sleep peacefully.

can't let me forget, nope.

that's not your style.

sleeping is usual enough escape but you,

you're a monster too strong for my control.

and you keep coming back for more.

I was hoping you'd make this easy.

take what you want, leave and never come back.

but clearly, that's not your style.

the whispers, the glares, and under-the-breath rude comments come like grains of salt.

I can take them in small doses, but there's always the straw that broke the camels back.

the pushing past me and the one worded responses come a little larger, like pebbles.

I can take them once in a while, but all at once and over and over again?

sooner or later you'll make me crack.

The shouting rude things at me from down the hall, guilt trips and this constant cycle.

not knowing what to expect everyday.

they come like boulders.

It was only a certain amount of time before i cracked.

before i broke down and let everyone see my demons come pouring out.

only an amount of time before i decided i didn't care anymore.

there's always that one person you'll never notice.
the one who's completely head over heels for you but will never tell you.
the one who thinks you're beautiful all the time and no matter what.
the one who doesn't care what everyone else is thinking and will always stick up for you.
the one who wants you to be as happy as can be, and will give you advice to help your relationships blossom.
then when they come crashing down, that person will still be there.
but you never really think too much of them.
How do i know this?
because, while everyone has that one person
at the same time everyone is that person to someone else.
someone who's blocking them from seeing that they have someone right in front of them.
someone who will always be there, hoping for you to one day turn around and notice them.
but you never will, cause you'll always be stuck chasing what you can't have.

Nothing in highschool means anything, it's best that way too.

cause as soon as anything means something to you, you give it the ability to ruin you.

without meaning nothing can make you cry.

when you see her face what goes through your mind?
does your heart beat faster, do you over analyze the length of your awkward eye contact?
do your lungs fill with air too fast, and your stomach with butterflies?
does your heart race and flush your face with crimson color?
or is she just another ordinary face in this extraordinary life?
do you look at her and wonder what everyone sees in her?
do you hear her name and wonder if you should defend her when people talk badly about her?
or do you join in and throw a few insults around with them?
do you see her pictures and think about commenting?
do you sneak a peek out of the corner of your eye when no one's watching?
do hear her voice and get the urge to respond to what she's saying?
do you get jealous when you see her talking to another guy?
do you wonder if she's talking about you over there with her friends?
do you step into a room and notice her before anyone else?
do you lay in bed at night and think about all the conversations you guys have had?
do you hope that today will be the day she makes a move?
or does none ever of this cross your mind?
what she's thinking, where she's going, who she's with, what she's doing.
does any of this matter to you?
do the things that cross her mind cross yours?
or was this just another scene in your play.

sometimes when shit gets rough, i start to think that this is the end.
but I'm nowhere close.
as much as i sometimes wish i were.
this isn't going to mean anything to me in a month or two
and the rest of all this, is going to catch up to me.
you're the cause and cure.
but sometimes, you have to try a different remedy.
I just hope i can find that remedy before this disease means the death of me.
up from here?
I sure hope so.

see this?
this is me giving up on you.  (:
i don't care anymore, not if you don't.
i know you care.
but it's what you care about that really says something.
so tell me?
you're in it or you're not.
don't leave me hanging, cause i'm tired of it.

you promised you wouldn't.
but you're coming really close.
sooner or later i won't be able to keep up.
this isn't me, i just want you to slow down 
,for me?

you keep making promises.
promises you can't keep.
it's like over and over again, you'll come to me
and tell me everything i want to hear.
then tell me everything and anything you can to tear down all the high expectations you've instilled in me.
like, all this was, was a stupid girl and way too much wishful thinking.
but by then it's too late and along with those high expectations comes everything else.
you tear me down.
again and a-fucking-gain.
then by the time i've cleared my head of you, and moved on
you come back to me, expecting everything to be the same.
but it's not.
it will never be the same.
but every time, you barge back in with a bag filled of ticks and compliments.
and you start again, from ground zero.
building on the foundations of what you left behind last time.
and when we're almost there, you'll tear it all down again.
when will it end?
you're killing me.

i see you.
but you can't see me.
i want you.
but you'll never want me.
cause that could never happen.

"C'mon baby we ain't gonna live forever. Let me show you all the things that we could do, I know you wanna be together and I wanna spend the night with you. Just one taste and you'll want more, so tell me what you're waiting for."

what went wrong?
am i next?
you don't deserve this.
i do.
it's too late to save you, i'm sorry.
i regret not trying sooner.

history repeats itself.

here i lay, laughing at myself. like, did i really think it was gonna be different this time?
cause god knows it never is.
yet somehow, i manage to forget that simple fact , every time.
somehow you manage to make me forget.
every time.
it's never different. always the same.
and it's getting real old.
real fast.

she's a cheater, she's ugly inside and out.

she always disagrees, she's gullible, she's dumb.

she judges people for the wrong reasons, she drags people down with her,  and she's impossible to get along with.

she's insecure, doesn't trust you, and takes way to long to get ready.

she's shallow, she's lazy, she lies.

she's desperate.

she has bad judgement, she almost never trusts and when she does she always trusts the wrong people.

she falls too fast and too hard, she tells anyone who will listen all of her secrets, she loves reading tabloids.

she regrets 90% of what she's done, she's got a forgettable face, nothing special.

she can't stand mirrors, yet she looks in them all the time.

she holds her head up, even though she probably shouldn't.

she sees dirty looks and people whispering but acts oblivious.

she knows how everyone sees her.

she knows this is all getting old.

she doesn't know what to do with herself.

she lets stuff get to her, even when it shouldn't.

she overanalyzes everything.

she has too much to say, but doesn't say half of what she needs to.

she's a wreck.

a complete mess.

yet you choose her.

you're fucked.

but don't give up, she could use someone like you.