karma .

I'm sorry.
I can't say it enough times.
you have no idea how horrible i feel.
so i'll say it again ;
i'm sorry.
I thought what i was doing was the right thing,
I was only being strong.
or so i thought.
this is probably a shock to you;
but i did, 
i loved you.
i realize that now.
i acted like a bitch.
and the only reason i did was cause i was trying to protect myself.
i didn't want to admit it.
i wish i could've realized it earlier.
cause these days,
when i need something comfortable to hold onto more than ever.
i'll think back to you.
and sometimes i wish that something was you
but i know , if i try to reach out to you.
you're not gonna be their anymore
cause you were there, or so it seemed.
and i acted like i didn't want you there.
so you took that as your cue to go.
i lied to you,
and for that i apolagize.
I tryed to tell you how you felt,
and for that i apolagize.
i was a waste of your time, 
and for that i apolagize.
I'll have you know, there's no need to go searching for revenge.
cause karma's worked it's way into my life.
in more ways than one.
i deserved everything i got
and continue to get.
i've always told myself not to live with regrets.
but i regret not realizing how i felt,
and i regret talking to you again .
not because i don't like talking to you.
but because you're the only person who treats me
as nice as you do.
and i don't deserve that.
not from you.

simply complicated .

"love is complicated ."
bullshit.
love is the most  s i m p l e  thing on our planet.
if it's seems complicated, it's not love.
maybe the relationship is complicated.
but the love
should never be.
ever.
if you question it in the least bit.
then it's not love.


love is not being afraid to show the world,
love is being able to act like a complete dork and knowing you won't be judged.
love is watching a movie that you hate just to make someone else happy.
love is not caring how much money you've spent but how much time.
love is not being embarrassed because you know nobody else understands how you're feeling.
love is putting someone else first.
love is smiling at the thought of someone.
love is wanting to just sleep beside someone.
love is wanting to always be with someone.
love is never wanting to let go of someone.
love is smelling the scent of someone and having butterflies rush to your stomach, memories to your head.
love is unexplainable,
until you experience it for youself.
you can't read about love to understand it,
you can't learn what love is.
because everytime you love is different.
love is never the same.

like a ghost from my past,
just when i thought i'd never see you again,
you come back to haunt me.
you remind me of all the good times,
things were so simple.
we were so young,
so innocent
and so naive .
I never forgot you .
and it's nice to know neither did you.
I'm not glad because we didn't end on a bad note.
I'm glad because there never were any bad notes.

i wish i could write you a letter.
i just want to tell you the truth
and receive It in return ,
But i'M afraid.
i don't want to jeopardize anYthing .

Eremophobia .

I can't help the fact , i'm scared of being lonely .
It's not that i'm unhappy with where i am or what i have.
Just that i'm so happy.

and i know , that things aren't going to stay this way forever .
i know that someday soon, i'll be lonely again .
I can't prevent that from happening .
but i can try .
so i do ,
you're all here.
so that, when the day comes that i find myself lonely again
i'll have something to fall back on .


but don't think that once i find happiness again and i'm no longer lonely
i'm going to just throw you away .
Because i do this all the time,
everytime.
I need you ,
to save me, when i'm drowning.

go ahead ,

The truth hurts and that's the truth .

if you're trying to play it safe, then don't go asking for the truth .

,don't go around being honest .
you're just asking to get hurt .
But really ,
who plays it safe anymore ?

replacement girl .

i bet she's nicer and funnier .

i bet she's everything i'm not

and like i've admitted before,

i'm not the greatest of things.

i bet you care about her more.

i bet you guys have more fun than we had .

i bet you don't even miss me.

i bet you're having the time of your life

and couldn't be happier without me near.

don't worry i get it .

you've got everything you'd ever want ,

right beside you .

so i'll take the high road .

i'm gone .

i know .

i know ,
i know i'm not wise .
i know i'm selfish.
i know i'm dishonest.
i know i'm unfaithful .
i know i'm not trustworthy.
i know i'm useless.

i know you're right,
and i know i'm wrong.
i know you're smart
and i know i'm dumb.
i know you're nice
and i know i'm mean.
i know i'm weak
and i you're strong.

i know you're gone .
i'm still here .
the end.

"don't speak, i know just what you're saying. so please stop explaining. don't tell me, cause it hurts ."

you know me better than i know myself .

shallow, insecure, unique, loud, smiley, cute, creative, daring, mean, nice, hot, beautiful, sexy, slutty, ugly, pretty, amazing, magical, embarrassing, annoying, obnoxious, impatient, crazy, weird, original, talented, the best, the worst ever, vulnerable, chaotic, lonely, worrisome, perfect, whore, incomparable, friendly, caring, loving, lovable, cocky, confident, disrespectful, needy, lazy, stupid, dumb, blond, lucky, happy, sad, gross, funny, sweet, whimsical, musical, confusing, smart, good, bad, useless, jealous, awkward, nervous, impulsive, spontaneous, courageous, contagious, indecisive, complicated, popular, kind, colourful, fat, skinny, cool, unusual.

i was thinking; if you know a way out then i'd like to know too.

you're so close, yet so far away.

i doubt you can even remember what you said yesterday.

we were meant to suceed,

not to pop pills and smoke weed.

but look what happend.

we're all trapped and

we can't get out .

there's noone left here that's real.

noone that can help us heal.

you were smiling .

i listen to kelly clarkson and colbie caillat
as i reminisce and memory's slowly replay.
i'm sorry.
how can someone care so much one second ,
then turn around and seem to care about everything and anything else so much more?
why do i care ?
i shouldn't .
but i do ,
i don't know why.
this is stupid ,
how i'm feeling is dumb .

but i think about this all the time ,
i think about you all the time .

"but yesterday won't let go ."