stay.

I wish you could stay with me forever.

Why? Because I know I'm not the best.

And I'm sure that, if you don't know by now, you'll soon find out.

I'm no better than your last, and I'm sure I'm not as great as your next will be.

But if you never left me , maybe you wouldn't have time to come to that realization.

I wish you would see everything perfect in me and nothing but faults in everything else.

just friends.

Sometimes when people ask, I wish I could say that we were just friends.

Not because that's what I want, we both know it's not.

But because, if we were just friends I would never be let down. There would be no expectations.

You could do whatever you wanted, I could do the same.

maybe if we were just friends I wouldn't be so fucking dependent on you.

And because, if we were just friends I'd have nothing to lose.

You terrify me. Why?

it's simple. Because, when I was sure I was unbreakable, you broke me.

Because, when I didn't want anyone you made me want you.

Because, when noone could control me you brought me back down to earth.

Because, when I didn't need anyone, you made me need again.

Because, when I was used to being chased, you made me chase you.

Because, when I could have anyone else at my fingertips, you weren't there.
Because, when I felt like giving up, you turned things around.
Because, I've never put as much effort into something as I am now.
Because, when I feel like dirt, you make me feel beautiful.
Because, you know everything there is to know.
Because, when you're gone for a day I miss you more than I miss the people I haven't seen in months.
Because, I've never felt so dependent on another person before.
Because, I know that while it's not hard for you to walk away, it's impossible for me to watch you walk away
and that terrifies me more than anything.

It's like when i stare into the mirror, i don't see myself, can't find myself.
I stare into my reflections eyes, hoping to find some sort of substance behind my thick black pupils.
Who am i looking at? because, it's certainly not me.
who the fuck is that, staring back?
I'm staring at someone i barely even know;
a girl with a hard shell, angry at the world.
feeling empty, lost, transparent and easy to read.
she looks evil, demonic almost.
she scares me.
but she looks afraid, lonely, like someone i should help.
she's crying out for help, but who's going to help her?
She's so hard to deal with, reach out and she'll shove you back.
I don't see myself.
It's like all the bad stuff from within is plastered on the surface.
it's clear as day, written all over my face.
It's scary, thinking everyone can see through me.
feeling like everyone knows just who i really am, like they know everything.
When i stare into the mirror, i see her, i see you.
I can't see past everything i've become.
I can't see past everything you've made of me.

i want out more than i ever wanted in, more than i ever wanted you.

but as easy as it sounds, getting out is just something i can't do.

we're hanging on by a thread.

but, why hang on when you're holding onto something so dead?

hanging on so tight, like i might lose you.

hanging on so tight, like i haven't already lost you.

don't forget what they say, with actions come consequences, you gotta pay.

this is gonna cost you.

hanging on so tight, like my heart's still whole.

hanging on so tight, like i'm still in control.