Everyone left while I was gone.

I realized --
somethings don't matter;
somethings get old fast;
alot of things get boring too fast;
some people aren't worth as much energy as is spent on them.

I could be spending my energy on more important things and people.
I should be spending my energy on more important things and people.

I guess I kind of wondered what the point was.
I know what I was thinking and I know there's still a small part of me thinking it.
But amidst all the commotion I tend to lose myself.
and then tend to find myself, only with a bigger magnifying glass than the time before.
I just didn't want to have to find myself this time.

I guess what I'm saying is I didn't want to waste my time
and if something like that is supposed to happen or is worth my time
then it'll happen.

Meanwhile I can make more important things happen, more important people happy.

I didn't mean it.

"I don't mean it like that."
I find myself rehearsing the way that it'll come out next time I have to say that to you.
It happens so often I've become immune to saying it everytime something slips out.
Everytime something doesn't happen the way I want it to.
Everytime I talk to you.
Everytime I look at you.

We all make mistakes.
but I know it wasn't a mistake.
You said it yourself
so why do you make it seem like it was now?

I understand, but don't do it again.
It's hard to understand.
It's kinda .. bittersweet.
I'm sorry and I hate you.

But I don't mean it like that.